HUSBAND ISSUES that turn to family issues...

My Husband went to his psychiatrist yesterday and they did a major overhaul of his medication. Took him off of his Lithium, Changed the way he takes is Seroquel to 100mg in AM and 200 mg @ Night, added Paxil 20mg for one week the up to 40mg, kept the Klonopin 2 mg three times a day and added Depakote 500 ER for 7 days then increase to Depakote 1000 ER @ bedtime.. Price of all this...Who knows, will it help? who knows? is he driving me crazy with him, More than likley. Oh and he is starting a Daily Therapy Program @ psych hospital 9am -12p M-F They supposedly pick him up and drop him off which is good because I dont know how he will drive on this change in his meds. Doctors just seem to think that they can play with this drug and that drug until maybe ONE LUCKY FUCKING day they find the right Combo, meanwhile The person they are screwing with could have lost their job, house, family.. Do they care? No they usually have bitch receptionist who roll their eyes at you and say "you'll have to wait until you see him next time" Some times I want to reach through the phone and grab her by her pencil neck and rip her through the phone line and bash her face in, or I would love to knock that headpiece off of her head when we are in the office. Well I feel a little better for venting, now if someone could just get into my head and figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I could sleep 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I am missing my daughter grow up, I feel like I should have never became a mother. And when I mention any of this to my mom, she says the same old thing " It will get better, you've got to wait for the medication to work" does she think I dont know this I am a nurse, I deal with med effectiveness and half-lifes all the time. But I guess its just her friendly loving way of trying to make me feel better. Well I am going to get off this thing and take a pain pill my whole body aches.

Friends.... or atleast I thought

Have you ever had a friend that you really got along with, you felt like you could talk to them about anything, and you trusted them? well I thought that was the case with a friend of mine, however I am reading her blog and she writes this:
" sitting home now, not quite certain what I did. I was crying every single day that I worked at that place. I hated it so much. Just walking through the doors was a sense of dread. There wasn't one person there with any redeeming qualities. The one nurse I did latch onto was a manic depressive, someone very toxic for me. I can't be around that, having issues of my own. She was a very negative person that all the other nurses hated. Because I became friendly with her, they shunned me." This really hurts because here after all this time we have worked together again, and she still acted to be like my friend, or was it an act now that I think of it she really didnt talk to me, yes she did call me and tell me about the job, and when I walked in there everyone knew who I was they said OH you must be Chers Friend, so it makes me wonder what was said about me prior to my starting. I go out on a limb, attempt to make a friend, which is not easy for me because I dont trust people, I have been burned so many times, and she doens't want to be around me cause "I am negative" no one ever wonders where my negativity comes from, they don't think hey maybe she has been hurt a lot, so she tends to be pessimistic instead of thinking that things will get better or optimistic about situations. I live life day by day just wondering when the next blow will come, so no I don't get close to people because that's one less potential blow to come. I could careless about most people,unless its my child or husband, or I am their nurse, their family, or their friend. Why do I limit myself to these people because patients I only have to let them see what I choose, family deals with me anyway no matter what, and friends are suppose to be supportive of you. So if the rest of the world thinks I am negative, mean, pessimistic its because I truly don't think my brain can handle being burned again or much more. IF your reading this and you know who you are, and you want to talk about it, and other things such as "me defending you when your grandmother died" and now I found out that wasn't true, I would have kept your secret because that's what friends do, they help each other out, but I see the situation from your eyes now and understand why you couldn't tell me the truth because we are not friends we are simply .............. from your eyes. You know how to reach me by phone, email, text msg, I wont bother you with msg's I never get answered.

ANOTHER JOB, ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MIGRAINE!

Today has been a "great" day. I got a call from my job and was told that they hired too many nurses and since I was the last one, they were going to have to let me go! BULLSHIT! So I tell myself Oh well I still have one job and I Have been there since January so that's cool, in fact I just did all my CEU's required for them only 32 lessons. They are easy though we do them on the computer and the plus is, it includes all in services, my required continuing education to renew my license, and anything else the DON would like to communicate with us; some of them were simply go in, read and agree to abide by the rules. We have to do them every three months. I got a text msg from my friend today stating she was no longer at her current job so I am actually going to beg her to carpool with me so we can work down towards clearwater, st. pete area and make up to 23-25 an hour not including shift differentials. So, I am hoping to hear from her, it would be awesome.

Then we go to my husband he is still not doing so well, he is on his cocktail of meds from the psychiatrist and they are not working. I am going with him to his appointment and going to request blood work be done because this is a 38 year old man who just lost it, and they have done no blood work, or any other testing to rule out any organic cause of this mental breakdown. Whatever the issues are the medication he is taking is not working and needs to be switched AGAIN! this means another adjustment time period, watching closely for adverse side effects, getting to be his nurse, and relay to the MD how he is doing. FUN FUN, it wouldnt be that bad if he was just a little more of an easy patient, however he is not, he is CRANKY, and doesnt want anyone to know what is going on in his brain. So this will be a continuing challenge.

Next will be starting Sunday paper, JOB search, faxing resume's, fun, stuff I get to do.

My daughter is a little devil, anyone with any ideas on helping me deal with her please msg me. She doesnt listen to me at all, she throws things at me, she bites me, she slams her door in my face, and her newest trick is to attempt to and almost be successfull in climbing out of her car seat while we are driving down the road. I am attempting to potty train her, all signs point to she is ready, however she has gone on the toilet once, but she would rather just take off her dirty diaper and run around naked! Is this all normal behavior? I just don't know what to do, children need to come with operating manuals.

Last on my list of venting, I have been getting more and more frequent migraines. I am on so much medication for migraines and my back and yet I still get them, I figure what the hell am I taking these meds for, to spend money on them? Yes I know Doctors practice medicine, no one has it down perfect, but I sure wish they would take more than 10 minutes with you after waiting up to 2-3 hours to see them, and actually listen to you. But what the hell, as long as they dont take away my anxiety medication all is well because you dont want to see this freak without her meds!
Well I think I am going to go read my friends blog, Oh yeah I looked up Tiffany's on line and found a necklace that I really want for my anniversary, I have emailed it to my husband three times so far, showed him how to work the TIffany's website, showed him what I dont like, :) and I am sure I will think of other things and ways to hint to him, any ideas on how to brain wash him I have until the middle of August our anniversary is Sept. 20 So I want to make sure its ordered in time.