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Sunday, June 15, 2008

Friends.... or atleast I thought

Have you ever had a friend that you really got along with, you felt like you could talk to them about anything, and you trusted them? well I thought that was the case with a friend of mine, however I am reading her blog and she writes this:
" sitting home now, not quite certain what I did. I was crying every single day that I worked at that place. I hated it so much. Just walking through the doors was a sense of dread. There wasn't one person there with any redeeming qualities. The one nurse I did latch onto was a manic depressive, someone very toxic for me. I can't be around that, having issues of my own. She was a very negative person that all the other nurses hated. Because I became friendly with her, they shunned me." This really hurts because here after all this time we have worked together again, and she still acted to be like my friend, or was it an act now that I think of it she really didnt talk to me, yes she did call me and tell me about the job, and when I walked in there everyone knew who I was they said OH you must be Chers Friend, so it makes me wonder what was said about me prior to my starting. I go out on a limb, attempt to make a friend, which is not easy for me because I dont trust people, I have been burned so many times, and she doens't want to be around me cause "I am negative" no one ever wonders where my negativity comes from, they don't think hey maybe she has been hurt a lot, so she tends to be pessimistic instead of thinking that things will get better or optimistic about situations. I live life day by day just wondering when the next blow will come, so no I don't get close to people because that's one less potential blow to come. I could careless about most people,unless its my child or husband, or I am their nurse, their family, or their friend. Why do I limit myself to these people because patients I only have to let them see what I choose, family deals with me anyway no matter what, and friends are suppose to be supportive of you. So if the rest of the world thinks I am negative, mean, pessimistic its because I truly don't think my brain can handle being burned again or much more. IF your reading this and you know who you are, and you want to talk about it, and other things such as "me defending you when your grandmother died" and now I found out that wasn't true, I would have kept your secret because that's what friends do, they help each other out, but I see the situation from your eyes now and understand why you couldn't tell me the truth because we are not friends we are simply .............. from your eyes. You know how to reach me by phone, email, text msg, I wont bother you with msg's I never get answered.

2 comments:

Carol said...

Hi,
I just kind of surfed on in to your blog, and this post was very sad. I've had a few of these kinds of situations myself, and because of them, I'm probably more of an introvert than I would be otherwise....I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

Jaime said...

Carol-- Thanks for reading my blog, I am new to this thing, its a new way for me to vent, and it feels good, and I like to know that I am not the only one out there that has some of these same issues, it makes me feel less crazy. What is your blog name or leave me a link and I will read yours if you like, maybe we can give each other advice.~~Jaime