A COMA... WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO HAPPEN?

another path we have just explored another side effect of the husbands meds,,, a 4.5 day coma. My husband did not know where he was, who he was, he would not talk to you, and when he did it didnt make any sense. So I stopped all his meds, yes I know could have had serious side effects however, I felt it was a life or death situation. I have worked around and with psych meds for sometime now. I have worked closely with psychiatrist, I called one of my friends who is a ARNP, class II specializing in psychiatric conditions and she told me if he is like that, and he is still breathing with good vitals, to stop the meds, #1 he cant swallow, #2 his body is trying to detoxify itself, #3 he is have very bad adverse/life threatening reaction. So here we go, I am monitoring his blood pressure every 2-4 hours around the clock, taking his pulse, respirations whenever I see him, and his temp with his pulse and B/P... and by the hands of GOD we made it through it.. he woke up....

The wake up was strange at first, I had of course been in touch with his primary psychiatrist and all the bitchy wife/receptionist would say "is you already have an appointment on August 4th", and I told her.. "HE COULD BE DEAD BY THEN!" So in her nice rude tone she said "if you think he is going to die then take him to the hospital." I said, "no I dont think THAT now he has woken up finally, however the medications he is on and the dosages are making him VERY SICK". She proceeded to tell me that my appointment was 8/4/08 and to make sure we tell the doctor all of this. I was so upset I said so " you mean when one of his patient's calls the office in crisis you dont tell him?" she said " no, not if its already resolved and yours sounds resolved." and she hung up.

I was Pissed off.. I could not even think of what to do, I was just standing in my kitchen dumbfounded. Never in my life had I been treated like that and I vowed never to be treated like that again, unless of course its a doctors office I deal with at work they are always cranky, its expected, But this is my Husbands doctor, WE PAY HIM!!! SO I called my friend back!
SHE ASKED ME EXACTLY WHAT HIS MEDS WERE AND HIS PRESCRIBED DOSAGES, THEN SHE DID SOMETHING I DID NOT EXPECT, SHE SAID WHAT DO YOU THINK, I TOLD HER I THINK HE NEEDS A LOT OF THE ANTI-PSYCHOTICS CUT OR SERIOUSLY LOWERED AND BUILT UP SLOWELY IF HE NEEDS THEM. SHE SAID SHE AGREED, AND GAVE ME NEW DOSAGES OF HIS CURRENT MEDS, SINCE THEN HE HAS BEEN AWAKE, LESS GROGGY, HE HAS PATIENCE, HE ISNT YELLING, HE SPENDS TIME WITH HIS DAUGHTER, YES HE IS STILL FORGETFULL, AND NO I DON'T THINK THIS IS A PERMANENT CURE, ITS A START THOUGH AND WE ARE OPEN FOR ANYTHING!!!!! MY ONLY WISH IS THAT THIS OTHER PSYCHIATRIST WAS TAKING NEW PATIENTS, BUT I GUESS HE IS GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR 4 MONTHS AND MY FRIEND THE ARNP II SHE IS NOT CONTRACTED WITH OUR INSURANCE!

MY BIGGEST FEAR IS WAKING UP ONE MORNING AND FINDING HIM DEAD, AND AFTER THIS LAST WEEK IT WAS ALMOST A REALITY. WE CANNOT AFFORD FOR HIM TO GO TO THE OUTPATIENT TREATMENTS AT THE PSYCH HOSPITAL, HOWEVER IF HE IS BAKER ACTED FOR 72 HOURS OUR INSURANCE PAYS 100%

I am in overload mode... see I have proof now!

Take the test and see what you score lets see how much crap we have in our brains!

Your Mind is 70% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

HOW MUCH EVIL WILL YOU ADMIT TOO?

You Are 32% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

HUSBAND ISSUES that turn to family issues...

My Husband went to his psychiatrist yesterday and they did a major overhaul of his medication. Took him off of his Lithium, Changed the way he takes is Seroquel to 100mg in AM and 200 mg @ Night, added Paxil 20mg for one week the up to 40mg, kept the Klonopin 2 mg three times a day and added Depakote 500 ER for 7 days then increase to Depakote 1000 ER @ bedtime.. Price of all this...Who knows, will it help? who knows? is he driving me crazy with him, More than likley. Oh and he is starting a Daily Therapy Program @ psych hospital 9am -12p M-F They supposedly pick him up and drop him off which is good because I dont know how he will drive on this change in his meds. Doctors just seem to think that they can play with this drug and that drug until maybe ONE LUCKY FUCKING day they find the right Combo, meanwhile The person they are screwing with could have lost their job, house, family.. Do they care? No they usually have bitch receptionist who roll their eyes at you and say "you'll have to wait until you see him next time" Some times I want to reach through the phone and grab her by her pencil neck and rip her through the phone line and bash her face in, or I would love to knock that headpiece off of her head when we are in the office. Well I feel a little better for venting, now if someone could just get into my head and figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I could sleep 24 hours a day 7 days a week, I am missing my daughter grow up, I feel like I should have never became a mother. And when I mention any of this to my mom, she says the same old thing " It will get better, you've got to wait for the medication to work" does she think I dont know this I am a nurse, I deal with med effectiveness and half-lifes all the time. But I guess its just her friendly loving way of trying to make me feel better. Well I am going to get off this thing and take a pain pill my whole body aches.

Friends.... or atleast I thought

Have you ever had a friend that you really got along with, you felt like you could talk to them about anything, and you trusted them? well I thought that was the case with a friend of mine, however I am reading her blog and she writes this:
" sitting home now, not quite certain what I did. I was crying every single day that I worked at that place. I hated it so much. Just walking through the doors was a sense of dread. There wasn't one person there with any redeeming qualities. The one nurse I did latch onto was a manic depressive, someone very toxic for me. I can't be around that, having issues of my own. She was a very negative person that all the other nurses hated. Because I became friendly with her, they shunned me." This really hurts because here after all this time we have worked together again, and she still acted to be like my friend, or was it an act now that I think of it she really didnt talk to me, yes she did call me and tell me about the job, and when I walked in there everyone knew who I was they said OH you must be Chers Friend, so it makes me wonder what was said about me prior to my starting. I go out on a limb, attempt to make a friend, which is not easy for me because I dont trust people, I have been burned so many times, and she doens't want to be around me cause "I am negative" no one ever wonders where my negativity comes from, they don't think hey maybe she has been hurt a lot, so she tends to be pessimistic instead of thinking that things will get better or optimistic about situations. I live life day by day just wondering when the next blow will come, so no I don't get close to people because that's one less potential blow to come. I could careless about most people,unless its my child or husband, or I am their nurse, their family, or their friend. Why do I limit myself to these people because patients I only have to let them see what I choose, family deals with me anyway no matter what, and friends are suppose to be supportive of you. So if the rest of the world thinks I am negative, mean, pessimistic its because I truly don't think my brain can handle being burned again or much more. IF your reading this and you know who you are, and you want to talk about it, and other things such as "me defending you when your grandmother died" and now I found out that wasn't true, I would have kept your secret because that's what friends do, they help each other out, but I see the situation from your eyes now and understand why you couldn't tell me the truth because we are not friends we are simply .............. from your eyes. You know how to reach me by phone, email, text msg, I wont bother you with msg's I never get answered.

ANOTHER JOB, ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MIGRAINE!

Today has been a "great" day. I got a call from my job and was told that they hired too many nurses and since I was the last one, they were going to have to let me go! BULLSHIT! So I tell myself Oh well I still have one job and I Have been there since January so that's cool, in fact I just did all my CEU's required for them only 32 lessons. They are easy though we do them on the computer and the plus is, it includes all in services, my required continuing education to renew my license, and anything else the DON would like to communicate with us; some of them were simply go in, read and agree to abide by the rules. We have to do them every three months. I got a text msg from my friend today stating she was no longer at her current job so I am actually going to beg her to carpool with me so we can work down towards clearwater, st. pete area and make up to 23-25 an hour not including shift differentials. So, I am hoping to hear from her, it would be awesome.

Then we go to my husband he is still not doing so well, he is on his cocktail of meds from the psychiatrist and they are not working. I am going with him to his appointment and going to request blood work be done because this is a 38 year old man who just lost it, and they have done no blood work, or any other testing to rule out any organic cause of this mental breakdown. Whatever the issues are the medication he is taking is not working and needs to be switched AGAIN! this means another adjustment time period, watching closely for adverse side effects, getting to be his nurse, and relay to the MD how he is doing. FUN FUN, it wouldnt be that bad if he was just a little more of an easy patient, however he is not, he is CRANKY, and doesnt want anyone to know what is going on in his brain. So this will be a continuing challenge.

Next will be starting Sunday paper, JOB search, faxing resume's, fun, stuff I get to do.

My daughter is a little devil, anyone with any ideas on helping me deal with her please msg me. She doesnt listen to me at all, she throws things at me, she bites me, she slams her door in my face, and her newest trick is to attempt to and almost be successfull in climbing out of her car seat while we are driving down the road. I am attempting to potty train her, all signs point to she is ready, however she has gone on the toilet once, but she would rather just take off her dirty diaper and run around naked! Is this all normal behavior? I just don't know what to do, children need to come with operating manuals.

Last on my list of venting, I have been getting more and more frequent migraines. I am on so much medication for migraines and my back and yet I still get them, I figure what the hell am I taking these meds for, to spend money on them? Yes I know Doctors practice medicine, no one has it down perfect, but I sure wish they would take more than 10 minutes with you after waiting up to 2-3 hours to see them, and actually listen to you. But what the hell, as long as they dont take away my anxiety medication all is well because you dont want to see this freak without her meds!
Well I think I am going to go read my friends blog, Oh yeah I looked up Tiffany's on line and found a necklace that I really want for my anniversary, I have emailed it to my husband three times so far, showed him how to work the TIffany's website, showed him what I dont like, :) and I am sure I will think of other things and ways to hint to him, any ideas on how to brain wash him I have until the middle of August our anniversary is Sept. 20 So I want to make sure its ordered in time.

AM I LOSING IT?

Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Take your own test at the following link http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
Have Fun you might find out something you didn't know

Sleep IS IMPORTANT!

I LOVE SLEEP! I dont deny it to anyone, and when I come home from work, I want to go to bed after all I work the VAMPIRE Shift, dont get me wrong I love it, but just like anyone else on any other shift when I get home, I want to unwind, and go to bed just as if I worked 9a-5p So I get very irritated when I come home and I cant sleep! This could be do to various reasons, like the asshole landlords working on the house next door banging, clanging, sawing, and this morning they thought they were being clever and were crowing like a rooster, I guess it was suppose to be a joke. I would like to show them JOKE! So I decided I would write about this cause I am now frustrated and probably wont sleep, just my luck huh?!?!



NEXT, I put my two week notice in at my last job it was turned in per their requirements, and on the day that was suppose to be my last day THOSE ASSHOLES called me at home and said that I falsified my resignation and they were paying me my hours worked at minimum wage.... I was like WTF, how can you falsify a resignation, its in my handwriting, I had the fax confirmation sheet, they had their two week notice, So I proceeded to tell them that they were the MOST FUCKED UP FACILITY I HAD worked for in my 10 years of being a nurse, and that I wouldnt put my Dog there! So the DON and I had words and I threatened her with my attorney, who would take the case but do I want the head ache? Next the administrator calls me and starts yelling at me, I said if you are going to call my house and yell at me I would rather you just not call, she kept yelling, so I said you are harrassing me and you will hear from my lawyer, she said "THATS GREAT!" BITCH... so I figure I am done with them, NO NO, they call again the next day and proceed to yell at my HUSBAND, who is not doing so well mentally and he told them, it was the DON, ADMINISTRATOR, AND HR person on speaker phone ( I HATE SPEAKER PHONE CONVERSATIONS) he told them they could all go FUCK THEMSELVES, and maybe the administrator who's husband left her needs to get some because she is a bitch, and if they called here again HE would sue them for harassing him. Since then no calls, can you believe the BALLS on those bitches? If you are a nurse, or you have a loved one and are thinking of working or placing a loved one in this facility I would advise against it. Its name is Life Care Center, in New Port Richey Florida. Some of the stuff I saw go on there in the month and half I was there, like I said I wouldnt put my DOG there. PLEASE SAVE ME!

and as you can see they are some pretty cool dogs? :)

Anyways I am going to attemtpt to lay down now, now that I have vented... check out my best friend's blog they link is there on the right, you will enjoy!

I got a new Job!

I got a new job, that I really like. Its a full-time job on my preferred shift 11p-7a, the people seem nice so far, and I am being overly cautious as to not let them in on my personal life, as I dont want to be part of the never ending RUMOR MILL! well off to bed I am while the time is right.

ITS 530 A.M.

Read below I just had to put the little kitty in this one! How I wish my life was that simple

Well today prooved to be another interesting day, I put my notice in at work almost two weeks ago, and I stated that if they needed me too I would work what is known as PRN/PER DIEM/ POOL however its now past friday and monday or Sunday night 11-7 is my last night so I guess thats a no! Such is life.. oh well see ya! on to a newer brighter subject.


SO.... then afterwork..?!?!?!?

I come home tonight to catch my husband and my babysitter almost going to "blows" over who was right on a subject, I mean it was unreal. MEN why is it such a testosterone fight? One of you should be the bigger man and say you know what this really isnt worth either of our times arguing over this mundane subject anyways and who really cares anyways, and drop it. BUT NO! it always has to come to and here is a typical conversation " I said "it" was like that, so "its like that" and if you dont like it, I will kick your *$S!" okay so now we have two grown men both who dont want to be wrong, and both who are willing to get into a fight all because they cant be like us WOMEN, if you dont know an answer LOOK IT UP :) I guess it goes back to the men wont stop at gas station for directions, and if a woman does she is an idiot, then you have a conversation like this: woman: I thought you looked it up on map quest?" , man: " I did." woman: " oh, so let me see it so I can try to figure out where we are!" man: well it didnt look that hard so I left the directions at home", or the famous last words" I left them on the table, didn't you grab them?!?" how many times have I had this conversation with my husband many, many, many times,


and I fear it will be many, many MORE!













I wish my friend Cher was coming with me to my other job, maybe they will have another opening and I will talk her into it, I really like working with someone I know isnt a backstabbing byotch, it helps every now and then. Why do people have nothing better to do than GOSSIP! GET a life people, there is nothing so interesting in my life that you need to talk about it, or anyone else for that matter, maybe you should all just go home and get some, and talk about that for the next couple of days, cause the GOSSIP it gets OLD! OK I guess I have hit base on two of my biggest pet peeves Gossip and men who wont admit that just maybe they are wrong!






NOW TO TOP ALL OF THIS OFF I HAVE THE FRICKING HIVES!

Depression has hit my life head on

Last September the big "D" a.k.a. Depression hit my husband full on, it has pulled no stops its included all of it famous bells and whistles including the Anger, frustration, manic episodes, memory issues, took away his patience, his tolerance, and made him into a man I hardly recognize. Its scary to me that my once loving husband is now this man consumed my anger, paranoia, sleeplessness, memory lapses, screaming all the time or just not talking. I wonder how could this be happening? The selfish part of me wonders just how much I can tolerate, we have a good day, and then SEVERAL bad days. He has not become violent which is one thing I am ever so greatfull for. The doctors however really piss me off, they act as is he is just another wacko, and put him on this cocktail of medicine, and then when that doesnt work two months later they change the cocktail, and we have been going through this now for months. I mean he has a psychiatrist from HARVARD is that what going to an IVY league school gets you a degree on how to guess medication combinations, and play with people's lifes and yes I say people because he is just not messing with my husband's life he is messing with my life, and my daughters life. We are all in this together no matter if we want to be or not. He recently went to start seeing a psychologist and I thought, ok maybe this will help, however the guy took him seriously was seeing him every week for the first month and already we are down to twice a month, what was there some break-through that I missed? Please someone clue me in on this break-through because I sure dont see one. I search the web nightly trying to understand this phenomenon, however as a nurse I know its a true disease, and as with any disease they have to treat it, but in the mean time who is going to treat ME?